The Lessons of Illness

Monday evening I became quite ill. It was the first time in six years that I had really been physically sick and it taught me a couple of things.

A few times over the past year and a half or so I have suffered intense emotional pain, associated with anything from the death of family to loosing faith in another. While these pains were very intense, they were of a quite different form than the physical pain I suffered just the other day and it made me think.

As I was curled up in pain, I had a variety of thoughts, most on the lines of "make it stop" or "this hurts" (when you are in major pain you sort of forget to say 'ow). One thought I had, however, I find rather interesting. One moment I really wanted the pain to stop, the next I wondered how, if I could not handle this pain, I would be willing to let my (hypothetical) wife go through the pain of childbirth. It would be horrible of me to stand by my wife in labor and say "you can do this," etc. while having been completely unwilling to go through pain myself.

In addition, this experience reminded me how we are not designed to suffer. God created us to enjoy eternity with Him, an existence free of suffering. But we are broken (by our own free act) and so we suffer the supernatural experience of pain, the wounding of body and soul. The more we suffer the easier it is to see that we are made to be without it.

Beyond the actual pain, I gained an understanding of sacrifice and penance. I drink a decent amount of caffiene (probably seven caffienated beverages a week) and contimplated giving it up for Lent (as I had already given it up for Fridays) but wondered how I would be able to function without it.

Turns out pretty well. My total Caffiene intake for Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday was two Chocolate Covered Espresso Beans and I was awake enough to function until past midnight on Wednesday. During the same time my total food intake was hardly anything (having been virtually unable to eat for much of Tuesday) and I still functioned fine.

I am beginning to see why so many saints were ill for much of their life. While the cause may be explained by their poverty, very often I think the illness helped bring them to sainthood. When our bodies our weakened it takes less of the pleasures of life to fulfill our desires and it is clearer that we need less of what the world has to offer. It is in rejecting the world that we accept heaven.